Kanye West wrote a new essay for Paper magazine, the same publication that tried to use Kim Kardashian‘s greased up ass to break the Internet. Well, he didn’t write it, per se. He “told” it to a writer who then turned it into something minimally readable. Which explains why it reads like fifteen of his award show rants strung together.
It’s so contradictory and unfocused, in fact, that as soon as I finished reading I scrolled up to the title to see if maybe it would clue me in to what the hell it was supposed to be about. But it’s just called “Kanye West: In His Own Words.” Well, there’s no doubt about that. The words in this essay are definitely Kanye’s. So obviously I had to pick out my favorite quotes and share them with you.
10. On passing his knowledge to younger performers:
“i think it’s so important for me, as an artist, to give drake as much information as i can, a$ap, kendrick, taylor swift, any of these younger artists as much information as i can to make better music in the future. We should all be trying to make something that’s better. It’s funny that i worked at the gap in high school, because in my past 15 years it seems like that’s the place i stood in my creative path — to be the gap, the bridge.”
First of all, have fun with that image of Kanye West working at the Gap. Second of all, a bridge is the thing that covers the gap, Kanye. You can’t be both at once.
9. On being a “fashion insider”:
I believe that everyone is a fashion insider, because it’s illegal to be naked.”
Tell that to Kim Kardashian. Badum bum tss!
8. On wearing a kilt:
“I paid my dues when I had to wear a kilt in Chicago, and friends would say, ‘What’s your boy got on?’ But there are warriors that have killed people in kilts in the past. Who gets to decide what’s hard and what’s not hard? When I saw this kilt, I liked it. I was into it. It looked fresh to me. I felt creative; I didn’t feel limited by some perception.”
That’s right, in order to be a “fashion insider” (which he just said anyone can be just by wearing clothes), he “had to wear” a kilt. Is that some kind of fashion industry hazing I don’t know about?
7. On his goals in the fashion industry:
“My goal isn’t to ‘break through the fashion world;’ my goal is to make usable sculpture. My goal is to paint. My goal is to be as close to a five-year-old, or a four-year-old, or a three-year-old, as possible. If a three-year-old says, ‘I like the color orange,’ he’s not giving an explanation to an entire world that can give him a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down on whether or not he should like the color orange. I don’t care about the thumbs-up or the thumbs-down.”
Kanye, you don’t have to give an explanation for liking the color orange. It would be nice, however, if you could give an explanation for this essay.
6. On not being a musician:
I am not what I would consider truly a musician. I am an inventor. I am an innovator.”
5. On the Illuminati:
If there was actually an Illuminati, it would be more like the energy companies. Not celebrities that gave their life to music and who are pinpointed as decoys for people who really run the world. I’m tired of people pinpointing musicians as the Illuminati. That’s ridiculous. We don’t run anything; we’re celebrities. We’re the face of brands. We have to compromise what we say in lyrics so we don’t lose money on a contract.”
Sure sounds like he’s in the Illuminati. What do you think?
4. On Madonna:
“Madonna is in her 50s and gave everything she had to go up on an award show and get choked by her cape. She’s judged for who she adopts. Fuck all of this sensationalism. We gave you our lives. We gave you our hearts. We gave you our opinions!”
Wait, I don’t understand. Is he saying Madonna did the cape thing on purpose to be a martyr, or that it’s our fault? What is happening?
3. On current events:
“People have asked why I don’t speak out — on social media, for example — about events in this country. The way I see it, it’s not about a post on social media from me when there are people dying.”
Is this like those people who comment that we shouldn’t talk about the Kardashians because famine exists?
2. On his life-changing trip to the dentist:
“One time I was at the dentist’s office and I was given nitrous gas and I was vibing out — I guess that’s my version of Steve Jobs and his LSD trip — when I had this first thought: What is the meaning of life?”
This is from an SNL skit, right? This can’t be real. Please tell me this isn’t real.
1. More on his life-changing trip to the dentist:
“Then I said in my mind — I’m still under the gas and getting my teeth cleaned — But I just want to be remembered. And I immediately corrected myself. I said, It doesn’t even matter if I’m remembered. I came out of the gas and had a completely new attitude on everything.”
Whoa, wait a minute. He was on nitrous gas to get his teeth cleaned? That must be some hardcore baking soda spray. Or is it just the only way the dentist can make him shut up long enough to get into his mouth?